Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
