it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
