Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
