Soap is not a condiment
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
