We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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