Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
