I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
