I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
