so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
