i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
