I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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