Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
