I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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