I would go down on you faster than GM stock
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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