So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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