girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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