Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
