ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
