remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
