just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
