I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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