dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
last night I used snow as a chaser
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
