He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
