i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
