When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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