It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
