i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
