Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
