if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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