i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
