I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
