I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
