I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
