i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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