Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
