I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
