i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
