i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
