thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
