Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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