so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
