We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All I want is dick and wine.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
