so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
