He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
