I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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