I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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