I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
