He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
