grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
