the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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