Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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