i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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