If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
