Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
